Author Archives: Living 400lbs

It came from the search terms

In the tradition of Captain Awkward I’m going to treat the search terms people used to find the site as questions.

im 400lbs is it too late for me to get healthy? 

This is completely up to you and to how you view health. If you are sedentary, you can probably be more active, and ideally have fun with it.  Depending on how you eat, you may want to add more veggies or whatever makes your body feel better – The Fat Nutritionist may be able to help with that as well. Research has found that focusing on eating healthy foods and being active can reduce blood pressure and cholesterol as well as psychological benefits. This is called a “Health At Every Size” approach, and focuses on improving health. 

If you mean thinner, then that’s a different question. Medicare’s Search for Effective Obesity Treatments: Diets Are Not the Answer (PDF) by UCLA reviews 31 studies on diets and recommended that Medicare not cover diet programs because they are not effective enough to be worth Medicare coverage.

350lb flying cross country?

OK. That sounds like a lot of time to sit still. It’s probably going to be uncomfortable. 

if i weigh 450 pounds do i need an extra airline seat? 

Very likely. Airlines have some choice on how many seats they squeeze into a plane. Seat Guru has information on seat sizes by plane and airline so you can check. One method is to check the size of the seat, then measure chairs to see what the airline seats will be like.  Note the “pitch” is the distance between seats, and affects how much legroom there is. 

If you do need an additional seat, you will probably have to call the airline to make the reservation, and the airline will probably warn you the seats may not be together. Yes, this is a problem.  

More on this: 

what can a fat person spray on body to prevent yeast?

I have mostly rely on baby powder (cornstarch) to prevent chafing and yeast infections under my belly. Anti-jock itch spray like Lotramin can work as well.  Lately I’ve been experimenting with Fresh Breasts lotion, which dries as a powder.  This can be easier to apply than a powder.  

 

 

 

Weight Watchers Continues To Spew Waste

I probably don’t need to say I think WW’s app for kids is poised to mess up kids’ lives.  That research shows dieting leads to long-term weight gain. Or that disordered eating is often dieting with a different name.

But if you are looking for more info:

Diets don’t work, let’s stop.

Change.org petition is here if you want to sign.

Retirement

My last job was at Amazon, as a QA Engineer. “It was fine until it wasn’t” is one summary. “It was a good distraction from the stress of my dad’s failing health so I could keep balance, but fell apart after other losses and health crap that made me not care about work much” is another.

The “stopped caring” was a big part for me. I tend to do my best software work when I can hyperfocus on what I’m doing and ignore everything else. Over time I got more responsibilities and was expected to keep more balls in the air…which doesn’t feed hyperfocus well.

Anyway, last day was in June.  A bit less than a week later, episode 103 of Productivity Alchemy came out.  The interview was with Star Picucci, talking about her end of full-time employment.  (This bit is about 23:30 minutes into the podcast)

I was a PeopleSoft developer until February, when due to the vagaries of government contracts I was no longer a PeopleSoft developer, and I was aggravated about it. I had hoped to retire in about 2 years, and so I called my financial advisor, I talked to my husband, I crunched a bunch of numbers, and said: Do I have to deal with this bullshit or can I just NOT work?

Star clarified she’s sort of on “trial retirement” while they see if the numbers really work.  What stood out to me, though, was how her reaction was like my reaction when I had been handed an Amazon Pivot paperwork.  Oh, if I leave you give me over 3 months’ severance and skip the PIP? Gee, let me think.   I occasionally have a nagging voice pointing out that I could’ve gone on medical leave and see how that changed things but … too much glee over the idea of leaving.  I was ready to run away.

So yeah, we’ll see how the money goes. I’ve been maxing out the 401(k) and saving a good amount each year. I’ve been using COBRA to follow up on some health things I’d been putting off. I will probably be blogging more here, and I’m sending out some article pitches. But that’s the big thing that I’m coming to terms with.

 

Hand Laundry Never Ends

As many women know, hand washing of bras is recommended to keep them in good condition.  This is not necessarily a huge burden!

Hand washing of pantyhose is also recommended. Thank heavens I don’t have to wear pantyhose.

And then came…compression stockings.

Compression stockings drying on towel rack

Compression stockings drying on towel bar

Compression stockings are often recommended for people who are on their feet all the time, who are flying, who have had lymph nodes removed, and to prevent blood clots.

In my case, I eventually realized that part of my left knee pain was actually located below my left knee.  Where there was also swelling, and which felt better if I wore tight leggings. My ARNP diagnosed likely blood flow issues and varicose veins, and referred me to a vascular specialist.

The vascular team did an ultrasound of the veins in my leg. Leg veins have one-way valves which supposed to keep the blood going up my leg, back to the heart. It was confirmed that my valves are not all working well. In particular, the one-way valve just below the knee on my left leg – where I had swelling and pain – wasn’t really one-way anymore.  Compression was recommended to reduce the swelling and help the vein to move the blood to the heart where it belongs.

I didn’t realize at the time that this would mean the hand wash only laundry would never end.

I was prescribed 20-30mmHg, knee-high stockings. The mmHg is “millimeters of mercury” pressure, and 20-30 is about middle of the range.  I did go to a medical supply store to get fitted. I recommend it since you can get some knowledgeable advice on fitting and how to put them on without putting a fingernail through them.  If you wear a common size you may be able to wear them home. My size 14-16 friend got fitted with thigh-highs after her cancer surgery and wore them home.

Initially I didn’t fit anything over-the-counter due to the swelling in my calves; after wearing leggings daily for a week, the swelling reduced enough that I could wear a standard size instead of custom made. I wear Juzo Max knee-high stockings, which have more of a flare at the top of the calf than the standard knee highs, and which wasn’t in stock but could be ordered. I also pop for the “silicone band” of little silicone beads to keep them up.

Pros:

  • No below-the-knee pain.
  • Much less swelling in calves.
  • Legs feel less tired.

Cons:

  • Stockings are expensive (mine are $78.39 per pair).
  • Stockings require hand washing.
  • Stockings need replacing every N months. Currently N is 2 or 3 months. I know folks who go 6 months, others who buy them monthly.
  • None of my leggings fit right anymore.

All that said, the compression stockings have been a really positive thing for me. The below-the-knee pain is gone.  Walking is more comfortable. I still elevate my feet whenever possible, but my legs and ankles aren’t swelling every evening. These are all terrific.

Bandcamp: Music You Might Like

I post a lot about music. Recently the music distribution site Bandcamp donated their profits to the ACLU, so I put links together for some of my favorite performers.

Kinda nerdy folk/rock/filk:

Molly Lewis

Vixy & Tony – space exploration & fandom

Jeff & Maya Bohnhoff – brain-breaking classic rock parodies like “Midichlorian Rhapsody” and beautiful originals.

Tricky Pixie – Alligators, raccoons, and cats, oh my.

SJ Tucker

The Doubleclicks

Tom Smith – You might like “Hutt Slaya Leia” or the occasional serious track like “Starlight and Saxophone”

Bill & Brenda Sutton – including a song about having a CPAP

Angry Elf Punk:

Crime and the Forces of Evil

Kinda jazzy folk/rock:

Marian Call

Mary Crowell – including multiple songs about coffee 

Celtic:

Amy McNally

Alexander James Adams

Heather Alexander

Nerdcore / nerdy rap / chiptunes :

Shubzilla

Death*Star

Jonny Nero Action Hero

 

 

Workplace “Wellness” Programs

Slate has a good article on how “wellness” programs aren’t.  There’s good details on why they tend not to actually improve health. But the money quote is:

Under the ACA, wellness programs are a legal way to shift a significant portion of the cost of premiums onto employees deemed unhealthy. Wellness programs don’t save money by preventing expensive medical claims—and in fact, they might even increase claims costs due to encouraging unnecessary doctors’ visits. But wellness programs can save money if enough employees fail them or opt out.

I’m glad my current employer isn’t doing this sort of thing. I hope it stays that way.

Image courtesy of Rudd image gallery.

Vitamin B12. Joy.

Researchers have found a possible link between lack of vitamin B12 in early life and insulin resistance later.  (Link has both video and text; video does at times assume fat is a problem, but overall explores why type 2 diabetes is not brought on by eating too much.)

I’ve written before about being deficient in Vitamin B12, so you may understand that this is a bit closer to home for me that others.  And the endocrinologist has reminded me many times that I’m insulin resistant.

So. Yeah. Interesting.

Thankful Thursday

An occasional exercise in gratitude.

Work is going well; I have a new boss who is not only on my side, but inspiring.

Levothyroxine and asthma meds, which keep me functional.

New cpap, now with built-in humidifier.

Close friends who shared hugs and helped discuss the election.

Vaccines 

Himself, who made lasagna for dinner.

(I am very, very afraid of what Trump and his terrors are going to do, but I also want to not catastrophize. So.)

This cake is great

I occasionally get comments about the “and believe me I am still alive” subhead on the blog and how “defensive you have to be to have that on your blog”.  Er, mostly it’s a joking reference to the Jonathan Coulton song. (Lyrics here.)  And it’s a way of metaphorically rolling my eyes at all the people who (still) say I’ll be dead at age 30 or 40.

(Never mind that I just turned 50.)

 

It also expresses that despite being very fat, I’m still alive.

It also expresses that I may not be always posting, but yeah, still alive.

 

A Few Thoughts On Consistency

Today I received my last Sojourner medal in Ingress.  It’s a deceptively simple one to earn – get within a certain distance of a game portal and perform a certain game action daily. The number of days starts at 15 and  increases over time.

image

As of today, I have visited a portal 360 days in a row. The nearest portal is at the end of the block, so not a big trip. At the same time, I’m a bit surprised with myself for this.

I grew up being told I’m not capable of consistency because I was not able to keep to diet for years on end. But maybe it’s not that I’m incapable of consistency. Maybe it’s that some things are impossible. 

It’s Too Late

Ever dream of “If I win the lottery” or “If I met someone rich” or “If I got in on the next big startup” or “If I get on a reality show and become famous”?  Or heard that “Oh, you don’t want to be too set in your ways, when you meet a partner you’ll want to build your life around his”?

Next month I turn 49 years old.

Now I’ve slayed some dragons
And I’ve found a treasure or two
Journeyed to mysterious lands both far and near
Sometimes I’ve been lonely
Sometimes I’ve been afraid
And no fairy godmother came to save the day
Pulled up my own bootstraps and did things my own way

– Cathy McManamon

What I’ve done so far in life is part of who I am. I’ve been married 15 years; I’ve been a home owner 16 years; I’ve been in the software industry for 25 years; I’ve lived in Seattle for 1 month shy of 49 years. I may still change careers or go back to school or move away from the Pacific Northwest, but it’s a LOT less likely.  And I’m comfortable with that.

Are you a pirate?
Or a prince, charming and brave?
Did you think you could turn me so easily?

I don’t need someone to sell me something to prove my worth. I have my own self, and it’s worth enough.

It’s too late to convince me I might be a princess
It’s too late to help me discover my secret magic skill
It’s too late to make me believe I’m inheriting a kingdom
It’s too late to be my savior in shining armor bright
Go fade into the night
I’ll be all right

– Cathy McManamon

These musings were inspired by Cathy McManamon’s song “It’s Too Late”, available on BandCamp.

Hm, maybe I should post more often

The 2nd-most-recent post on the blog is from February and mentions that I’d gotten my silver Translator badge that week.  I got my gold Translator badge* last week.  Maybe I should post more?

Harriet Brown has been writing more about weight and health of late.  The most recent, in Slate, is worth reading (though the comments are NOT supportive and can be easily skipped).

Harriet also tackled 4 lies at Psychology Today:

  1. Americans keep getting fatter and fatter – nearly half with will be obese by 2030
  2. Being fat takes years off your life
  3. Being fat makes you sick
  4. Diets make you thinner – and healthier

Meanwhile, at Everyday Feminism, Liz Boltz Ranfeld asks what would happen if fat people were allowed to be happy?

My native Seattle is getting more inequal; the rich’s income is going up more than in other US cities. The median income is up to $100K here now too. I think it’s good that franchises didn’t win their injunction against raising the minimum wage.

Oh, and the Sounders season started :)

Major League Soccer (Football to the rest of the world) has scarves. It's a Football thing.

Major League Soccer (Football to the rest of the world) has scarves. It’s a Football thing. This is my 2015 season ticket and Alliance member scarf. 

*I realize that last may make no sense if you don’t know about Ingress, but in sum, I did a lot of game-playing to go from silver to gold.

QotD

So my advice to women is this: If a man ever tries to use the Bible as a weapon against you to keep you from speaking the truth, just throw on a head covering and tell him you’re prophesying instead. To those who will not accept us as preachers, we will have to become prophets.

— Rachel Held Evans wrote this in her book A Year of Biblical Womanhood: How a Liberated Woman Found Herself Sitting on Her Roof, Covering Her Head, and Calling Her Husband “Master.” There is a certain amount of rules lawyering in there — but it’s certainly a literal use of the passage.

Frustration

[Note: Includes discussion of weight loss and history of intentional weight loss. Please avoid if you don’t want to read it.]

Visited the endocrinologist again to follow up on my med changes. On my way into the office, the doc asks how the meds have made me feel; I said that I haven’t noticed much change except my step counter says I’m walking more. She weighs me and happily congratulates me for losing 8 pounds in a month. I mumbled something like “Uh huh” and we moved onto the rest of the appointment.

The doctor’s congratulations brought up feelings that I didn’t try to unpack during the appointment. After the appointment I began to think about it, and why it upset me.

  • First: Why congratulate me? I haven’t changed my eating habits. I haven’t been counting calories, or carbs, or points, or anything that I would normally do when I’ve intentionally tried to lose weight. I have been a bit more active, but I’ve been MUCH more active in the past without losing weight. This is not something I have made or built or achieved.
  • Third: There have been times in the past when I was trying very hard to lose weight, and lost weight, and felt like I’d won something. I reveled in congratulations and people’s happiness. Right now? I feel like a bystander.
  • Fourth: There have been times in the past when I was trying very hard to lose weight and didn’t. I followed the diets. I’d do the exercises. And, despite doing it all “correctly,” I did not lose weight. Did I get congratulated on my effort then? Nope. I’d be blamed.  I’ve been told I was not measuring correctly, or I should use a scale, or a different diet, or more exercise.  I’ve been told I was lying about my intake and exercise, because I “couldn’t” not be losing weight if I was really eating and exercising like I said.
  • Fifth: Maybe I was a bystander before, too.
  • Sixth: I’ve been trying to build my arms up for the next higher weight dumbbells but noooo, body has other plans….

So, I guess I’m having some feelings here.

Finally, I reminded myself that the reason I pursued treating my borderline hypothyroid (which led to seeing an endocrinologist etc) is to feel better and have more energy. That my weight went up about 30lbs in the last few years without a change in eating habits is one of my symptoms; my weight may change as part of correcting it.  It’s OK to be a bystander here.

Tonight I tried out some shoes from Zappos on the treadmill and this Mary Lambert song came on.

We are, we are more than our scars.
We are, we are more than the sum of our parts.
— Mary Lambert, “Sum Of Our Parts (Alternate Version)”

Timings & Structure, Thyroid Edition

I started taking levothyroxine this fall, and got the standard spiel from the pharmacist:

  • Take first thing in the morning.
  • Do not eat anything else for 30 to 60 minutes after, including other oral medication.
  • Do not take with calcium or iron supplements for 4 hours after taking levothyroxine.

“You CAN have coffee!” the pharmacist chirped happily.  I was happier when she confirmed I could have my inhaled asthma meds.

This has been an adjustment. I was concerned it would bring up the anger-rebellion response I usually have had when dieting for weight loss. As it turns out, it hasn’t.  This has probably been helped by the fact that this is about a medication which has been showing direct benefits ever since I started taking it.

It also resulted in me forgetting the rest of my morning pills once or twice. Fortunately the vitamin B12 and D I can miss occasionally, but the SSRI can be dangerous if I stop it abruptly. Having a weekly pillbox helps me to know whether I’ve taken them.

I did take the “no calcium or iron supplements” a bit to the extreme by also skipping dairy and meat for 4 hours, which created the concept of “dairy o’clock” for me.  I have gradually relaxed that, but continue to adhere to the much more important “no food or meds for an hour”. I have a Detachable Pill Box which I can use to take my other morning pills with me to work if I need to leave before I can take them.

In the first month I took levothyroxine, I felt that I had more energy. According to my step counter, I walked more.  Also important is that my focus improved; I was able to complete tasks at work in less time than before.  And according to the scale at the endocrinologist’s office I lost 3lbs.

The endocrinologist seemed extremely pleased by the 3lbs. I tried not to pooh-pooh her parade by pointing out that it’s less than 1% of my weight, but damn, I was much more focused on the “able to get more work done” and “able to walk more” parts of the equation.