Living ~400lbs

… and believe me I am still alive

Magickal Weight-Loss Necklace

I saw this on LiveJournal and…OMG, people, it’s just sooo bad.

Rocks Tied Together With Wire
Rocks Tied Together With Wire

The description:

Magickal Weight-Loss Necklace
Mineralogical weight loss? Why not, considering the associative benefits of this pendant of clustered gemstones: sodalite (to regulate metabolism), amethyst (to counter food addiction), obsidian (a cravings reducer), tourmaline (for energy), and clear quartz (to promote positives, dispel negatives). Silverplated. Crafted in USA. 1 1/4″ long (approx.) on 36″ silk cord. A Pyramid Exclusive!

Now I’m wondering if it’s an exclusive because nobody else wants it…

24 responses to “Magickal Weight-Loss Necklace”

  1. My first thought… *snrk* Wouldn’t the quartz negate the whole thing??

  2. I am SO GLAD this exists because it is just so funny. Seriously, this is hilarious. This is it’s own spoof. I don’t even need to mock it, it mocks itself. Now I have all this free time from not having to mock. Maybe I will finally organize my stamp collection!

  3. I dislike the research behind it, the concept of it, the materials (silver plate?!), and the execution too. Even the vendor’s spelling issues. In short, yuck.

  4. at least it really looks nice. And I think it will find its buyers because they think “what if it really works?”

  5. This reminds me of the time a friend of mine read a book on herbal spells.

    She found out that if someone put basil under your plate, you wouldn’t eat as much. The catch is that the eater can’t know it’s there.

    She drove herself crazy (it wasn’t a long trip) trying to figure out how to get her friends or family to put basil under her plate without her knowledge. So she told everyone about it more than once and gave everyone basil plants. Except she kept checking under her plates to see if we’d done it . . .

    “Oh, dear,” she’d say, “Now it won’t work.”

    Can’t argue with that . . .

    1. What a waste of good basil!

    2. Basil is to make food better! To get you to eat it, not NOT eat it! Silly spells got it mixed all around.

  6. At least it can’t harm anyone. In that way it is better than all the pills and powders and surgery out there. People who buy this will only loose their money and perhaps their faith in crystals, not bad compared to the side effects from other remedies right?;)

    1. That was my first thought too… well that and an idle thought as to how snake oil salesmen look themselves in the mirror every morning. But I wonder that about the creators/sellers of every ‘obesity cure’ I’ve ever seen since none of them work and most are actively harmful.

  7. Am I trashy because I think it’s pretty? LOL

    I don’t care about it’s “weight loss qualities” I just love anything purple! :-)

    1. It’s not my taste, but I have other amethyst items I like a lot. What bugs me is that I know they’re charging more due to the “properties”.

    2. No, you’re not trashy. I love the purple stones, actually, even though I think the rest of the stuff on there clutters it. Just the purple stones, or the purple stones with the deep blue one in between (and no weight loss claims), and I would totally buy it.

  8. Do we really need a reason to wear amethyst or tourmaline other than the fact that they’re pretty? Sigh.

    @spoonfork: Basil under the plate? What a horrible thing to do to innocent basil! I would put it on my plate in my food.

    Besides, it has such a heady and delicious aroma, I can’t imagine it working as an appetite suppressor, even if someone did manage to hide a leaf under a plate. The smell of basil makes my mouth water.

  9. As embarrassing as this admission is, I actually paid money for a Pet Rock when they were all the rage. Had two or three Mood Rings too.

    First impression on THIS particular idiocy?
    In whatever landfill they currently occupy, the Mood Rings and Pet Rocks I owned back in the day are definitely worth more than this piece of junk.

  10. Anyone that puts the letter K in Magic, should not be trusted…

  11. I can see it now…someone will try and require all of us fatties to wear these like some type of scarlet letter. ;)

    The one good thing is that it’s mostly purple. I love that color.

  12. As if the weight loss claim wasn’t bad enough, another sad thing is that the necklace won’t even look that “good” in person. I’ve ordered from that catalog twice and twice sent the stuff back (what can I say, I’m an optimist!) because the quality didn’t match the photograph.

  13. Bawhahahahaha! THAT is fabulous.

    I was born in February so my birthstone is amethyst and I’ve worn it my whole life.

    I’ve never been addicted to food. thou- WAIT! I’m proof it works! Oh, but I’m still fat. Hm.

    I bet they’d let you know that not any old crystal works. It has to be THEIR SPECIAL, ONE-OF-A-KIND crystal *cough* at 3 easy payments of just 21.95 *cough*.

    1. Yes. And especially you couldn’t just create your own amulet using things that are meaningful for you. ;)

  14. Oh dear, this is hilarious. XD

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  16. That’s an UGLY arse necklace.

    Though I guess those that tout weight loss malarkey believe that fat people are so desperate to lose weight that we’d wear an ugly arse pendant so long as it made us thin!

  17. Well, I thinks it’s sorta a cool necklace if you like those types of rough stone things, though any ‘weight loss’ properties are looney. People shouldn’t make too much fun really… look at all the various crosses, medals and other ingots various religions have and people SWEAR by those. To me, they’re all equally silly.

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About Me

Former software tester, now retired heart patient having fun and working on building endurance and strength. See also About page.

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