Living ~400lbs

… and believe me I am still alive


  • Doctors and dentists and blood, oh my!

    Last week I noticed my jaw was hurting a bit. Always in the same place. Was something wrong? It went away over the weekend, but came back on Monday. It was bad enough on Monday that I called the dentist. I soon had an appointment for Wed afternoon. In the meantime, I took a Tylenol… Continue reading

  • Quote of the Day

    Hospitals are not neutral spaces for fat or queer people. Frequently they are places of immense judgment and mockery. Despite efforts to change, healthcare offices for many are reminders of what kinds of bodies and sexualities are most comfortably in tune with dominant patterns of social life. Like every other fat and/or queer person I… Continue reading

  • On Hold

    Some doctors send me a post card asking me to make an appointment. Others send me a text message, or has a robocall tell me it’s time to make an appointment. So now I’m on hold waiting to make an ob/gyn appointment. I’ve got a sleep doc appointment for next week, presumably to check I’m… Continue reading

  • Still around.

    Still fat. Still married. Still in the Seattle area. Still doing treadmill 3 days a week, usually, despite general bleahs. Starting another round of seeing doctors – I ended up with yearly visits to a couple specialists in the fall, so every year it’s oh right I have to deal with that. If you follow… Continue reading

  • TSA Travels

    I don’t fly very often. This is likely why it I didn’t go through a full-body security scanner until Friday and, again, today.  I don’t have strong opinions about the type of scanning used, although I do consider much of the airport security approach to be security theater. So I did the scanner instead of… Continue reading

  • Pursuing An Agenda

    Earlier today, Melissa McEwan tweeted: Scrolling back, I saw Melissa’s prior tweet was regarding Dylan Farrow: “I am speaking about this because it is wrong; I am speaking in solidarity with Dylan Farrow; I am speaking in defense of my own survival.” This blew me away. In retrospect it seems silly — of course people… Continue reading

  • This Shouldn’t Give Me A Headache

    But it’s trying. Dear, My name is Lisa. I have been following your blog  from quite some time now and thoroughly enjoy every post of yours. Well, after reading through your blog, I think you would be interested in having a look at our recently launched infographic “America’s Battle With Obesity”([link to typical FEAR The Obesity… Continue reading

  • Medical Equipment Size Limits

    This article focuses on the weight limits of air ambulances, but it’s depressing anyway. The overall message of the piece is to lose weight (which we all know works so well! And immediately!) Now, yes, most fat people aren’t very fat; most cutoffs are 300 or 350lbs; air ambulances appear to have lower-than-typical requirements. But… Continue reading

  • Convenient Seat Belt Extenders for Cars

    I’ve mentioned before that I have a seat belt extender for my car (provided by Toyota). In other cars I often use a shoulder/lap belt as a lap belt only, which is less safe, but the only way I can buckle the seat belt.   The friend I carpool with recently got a new car,… Continue reading

  • Things To Read

    From Dani Kelley’s “The body I have”: I stopped eating in the eighth grade. People complimented me on how much weight I was losing, how much prettier I looked, how much better I was. They didn’t know something was wrong until I started passing out. And when my eating disorder finally came to light, it… Continue reading

  • What If You’re Too Big For Lane Bryant?

    Ah, the eternal question.  What if you’re too big for plus size stores?   In the US, LB is one of the most common plus size stores, going up to a US size 28.  I’m too big for most of their clothes. Today I’m going to not just talk about places I can buy clothes.… Continue reading

  • Superfat Fears

    I’ve written before that I can’t always count on finding clothing in local, physical stores in my size. Last night’s dream?  I was hours from home and somehow didn’t have my pants.  I had bra, panties, and a top – but no bottoms. And no stores had my size*.   In the dream I was in… Continue reading

  • The Fat Life Isn’t

    Internet is part of life, but it’s not all of life. The people I know offline aren’t surprised that I am married, employed, and co-own a house.  The emails I get from this site often assume these aren’t possible, or that I must be some sort of exception.  There’s also am assumption that my fat… Continue reading

  • My fat eats cellphones

    I lost my phone.  I thought  it was next to me on the couch.  Or maybe in the couch.  The couch doesn’t have separate cushions, but there is an opening in the fabric in the back near the support that my cell loves to dive for and it’s difficult to get out of…..  Anyway.  I couldn’t find… Continue reading

  • Things I Would Like To Not Care About

    I would like to not worry about: Whether a medical professional will consider my symptoms before making a diagnosis. Whether a job interviewer will not hire me because I’m fat. Whether the friend talking about her diet is doing so as a way of passive-aggressively commenting on my body size, eating habits, or perceived dieting… Continue reading

  • Gowns and Gowns

    A couple random thoughts: The hospital gowns at the doctor’s office are always too small.  I know I could buy my own, but that seems like overkill.  Today, though, I was just going in for a pap smear, so I wore a dress that could easily hiked up and just removed my panties and shoes.… Continue reading

  • Working Wardrobes

    During a phone interview today I ended up saying “No, this wouldn’t work” because their corporate dress code is Business Professional, defined as suits or suit-like combinations; ties for men; no athletic shoes allowed.   Refusing to dress up every day for work isn’t all that uncommon a stance for a software person to take… Continue reading

About Me

Former software tester, now retired heart patient having fun and working on building endurance and strength. See also About page.

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