Living ~400lbs

… and believe me I am still alive

Day in the life: Other nice ways to wake up…

…and on the weekend we’re more likely to go for a more intimate option.   This post is about the practicalities of having sex as a very fat person and is likely not “work-safe“. If you’re at work, read it later.  Or if reading about sex is uncomfortable, please don’t read it.

Roseanne went on the air when I was in college.  I remember comments about how impossible it would be for Roseanne and Dan to have another kid because their bellies would prevent them from having sex!

In my case, I began having sex when I was in my late 20s.  At that time I weighed over 330lbs, with a body similar to the one I have now.  I’ve had intercourse with 7 men and 2 women (a bit higher than average for American women according to the CDC).  Some of those people are taller than I, some shorter.  Some are thin, some are ~400lbs.

I’ve learned that which position works “best” depends on both partners and how their anatomy works together.

As you may have seen, I have large breasts, a large belly, and sizeable limbs.  I’ve done the missionary position with partners who have bellies of various sizes, though not as large as mine.  No, my belly doesn’t hang down enough to block the missionary position.

I have also enjoyed the “penetrate from behind” position, usually on elbows and knees.   I personally haven’t had much success with “woman on top” positions, but a similar-sized woman friend find it works very well for her.  I’ve also enjoyed oral and non-penetrative forms of sex.

The problems I had with various positions:

  • Hip flexibility. If my partner has big hips, and my hips aren’t being flexible, that can be a problem in the missionary position or other positions where my legs need to open very wide.
  • Angles, specifically the angle of my vagina compared to my partner’s angle.  If laying down, pillows under the hips can help adjust the angles.
  • Clitoral and G-Spot stimulation. This relates, again, to how my partner’s body fits with mine.
  • Comfort. It’s hard to orgasm when a position is giving you muscle cramps, or if there’s too much weight on your chest to breathe deeply.
  • Balance. I don’t enjoy being on top for long because I don’t trust my balance. I certainly wouldn’t want to “let go” enough to orgasm on top.  So I don’t do it.

Of those four, about the only one you can affect is your flexibility.  The rest?  If it’s an issue, say so and try a different position.  Experiment.  It’s okay.

Yes, really, it’s okay.

I find that a sexual encounter is a collaboration.  It’s about mutual pleasure.  It’s enjoying each other, and exploring each others’ sexual responses.  If I’m not comfortable enough with myself and my partner to say, “Let’s try something else,” then I shouldn’t be there anyway.

On a few other notes…

  • I have had 1 male partner with whom “from behind” just doesn’t work.  I’ve had another with whom missionary hasn’t worked.  It’s okay.
  • Have I ever worried about “breaking” a partner?  At first.  I got over it.  If I’m worried I’m putting too much weight on my partner, I ask.  (It’s not like I’m tackling my lover!)
  • Generally I have managed both lowering STD risk and preventing pregnancy using condoms and lubricant.
  • It’s a good idea to be clear with your health professional about your sex life and need for PAP smears, STD screenings, and the like.

What experiences have others had?

12 responses to “Day in the life: Other nice ways to wake up…”

  1. You know, I AM worried about “breaking” a partner, but it’s less to do with my size (I’m about a size 20) and more to do with my weight training. I prefer men a LOT stronger than I am because of it.

  2. Isn’t that a reason to invest in a few restraints? ;)

  3. I’m 5’4″ and about 250. I’ve had a variety of male partners and usually find that I can do missionary with no problem; and pretty much got over my fear of “breaking” men who happen to be smaller than me by going on top. But I think the last one liked that. ;)

  4. I’m 5’5 and just shy of 300lbs, I’ve only had the one partner and our sex life has always been pretty damn awesome. The only position we can’t do is him sitting on a chair and me on top (my tummy just gets in the way).

    I’ll be honest, girl-on-top has become less pleasurable for me since I put on about 25ish pounds. I don’t seem to get as much stimulation that way anymore; however I think a LOT of that has to do with my shoddy self esteem and LESS to do with my weight. I always feel the most vulnerable and unnatractive in that position and worry my partner finds my body unappealing when I’m sprawled out all over him. Of course, he’s never said anything to this effect, and he seems to really enjoy me on top – this is all coming from me.

    haha oops, sorry for the novel :)

    Living400lbs I completely love and adore your blog and I’m so glad I found it. Much love and respect to you!

  5. […] Day in the life: Other nice ways to wake up […]

  6. I think I need to work harder on talking about sex with my boyfriend.

    We’ve been going out for 5 years now ( would be married if we had money to XD ) but I still find it hard to tell him what I want and what I don’t want.

    One problem we’ve had is the ‘from behind’ position. I like the idea of it, and he does too I think, but my legs are very short compared to him. We just can’t get it right. I’m also so shy, I have trouble giving it more of a try. I’m not very fat at all ( just shy of obese) but I have a lot of self esteem and self image issues.

    I think the most important thing is to talk openly with your partner, and I’m going to try harder to do that!

  7. I have had many partners in my life both male and female, and have had very few problems. I am 5’8″ and about 420 at last check, my husband of 7 years and I have worked our way through the Kama Sutra and have only found 6 positions that wouldn’t work most included me being upside down… I firmly believe fat girls should not be upside down LOL. Sometimes the belly gets in the way but it is movable, I agree with Apocolypstick on the chair thing. Thanks for this Blog, it makes me feel a little less alone.

  8. I’m still a virgin but when I heard about friends of mine who had sex for the first time, I honestly always felt embarrassed about it, mostly because I believed I would die a virgin because, hey, who wants to have sex with “the fat chick”?
    But I actually would think about “hurting” whoever I’d be with, too! And that would just make me feel. . .gross. But you post is inspiring to having sex with your not a “skinny-mini” (as my shrink would put it.) Very helpful post! :]

  9. […] years ago I wrote one of this blog’s most-googled/viewed posts.  (Why “fat woman sex” is one of the perennials of the search terms is not for me to […]

  10. […] did a general post on sex a few years ago.  A few things I’d add […]

  11. I found your blog thru a random search, and I can say for the first years of truly being a bigger woman, I know what you mean!

    I graduated high school at a solid 200lbs (I’m 5’8″). I say “solid” because I was quite active back then…rollerblading, cycling, walking, etc. I could easily ride my bike 40-50km in a week ‘s time (and for me, that was fabulous!). Buuuut…I got kicked out of my dad’s house at age 20, and that’s kinda where it all went downhill. I moved to an area where frequent cycling and rollerblading weren’t really an option, and that made me a little depressed.

    I’m going to be 27 in a month, and I’m holding steady at ~300lbs. Yeah, I gained 100lbs since I graduated. My confidence and self-esteem suffered BIG TIME. I couldn’t get any dates, all guys wanted were one-nighters (so they could laugh about how they talked “the fat chick” into having sex with them), and it was just an all-around downward spiral.

    As for the whole sex aspect at this point…I’m totally in love with my guy, and our sex life is nothing short of fucking awesome (pun intended LOL). We can do missionary, from behind, AND girl on top. ;)

    (Sorry for the novel LOL)

  12. I was looking randomly for posts on what other 380lb women look like, because other than me I have no idea. I get that due to height etc this can vary, but anyway that’s how I happen to now be here. In total awe of how honest and open your blog is. Thought I would add my 5 cents worth to the mix, especially to do with a subject I love and an activity I love even more. At 380lbs I have not had any problems exercising my sexual rights and am aware of what works and what doesn’t. The only position I have not mastered yet is at this size, is anything that is missionary based. My flexibility has declined considerably and while I’m working on that now, I use the positions that I can do make up for it. Lying on my stomach with one leg slightly bent, makes for good penetration from behind. A personal fave in our house. The other is with my legs up in the air while on my back. Using other bits of furniture etc adds to the mix such as an ottoman which allows for more range again. I love our sex life and so does my younger, smaller partner. He knows what works for both of us, I certainly can’t fault him in any way.

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About Me

Former software tester, now retired heart patient having fun and working on building endurance and strength. See also About page.

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