Living ~400lbs

… and believe me I am still alive

Quote of The Day: On Sex

[Warning: rape]

I had a conversation with a therapy patient of mine recently that spoke volumes to the problems of living in a rape culture that no longer wants to use the dirty word rape. She told me that she and her best friend (both 19-years-old) frequently endured sex with their boyfriends that involved heavy drug use, painful and coerced anal sex, utter boredom for the women, regular transmission of STIs, no orgasms for the women, and “sex on demand” whenever their boyfriends wanted to have sex. When I asked her if she ever felt pleasure during sex, or ever wanted to feel pleasure, she said, point blank, “I thought sex was only supposed to be pleasurable for the guys, right?” Right. 

The Politics of Turning Rape into “Nonconsensual Sex” by Breanne Fahs

Y’know, romance novels are often seen as pure pulp, but they do ground readers in the idea of mutual pleasure.  It’s not the worse way to set some expectations for sex.  (OK, the “never needing lube” thing can be problem….)

I’m glad that patient is in therapy.

Oh, and anal shouldn’t hurt.


3 responses to “Quote of The Day: On Sex”

  1. On a lighter note, the problem with romance novels is that they paint the wrong picture of the seduction. I can initiate sex with my wife by giving a back rub and then suggesting sex verbally, and of course if she’s in the mood too it works. But in sixteen years, 98% of the attempts to be directly seductive as in any of dozens of romance novels just result in a giggling fit.

    1. Oh, and having sex on silk sheets? Who’s going to clean up the mess? ;)

  2. In sex-ed in elementary school (gr 5-6) we learned about female pleasure. Granted most of it was about tampons and pads, and what to do when you get your period, things have changed now. This was in 1993, so I guess 20 yrs of educational reform has rendered some of it down. The part about “isn’t it only about men’s pleasure” is surely an example of decreasing women’s rights, and the sexification of our society. I’m Canadian, so maybe it’s an American thing?

    This really concerns me.

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About Me

Former software tester, now retired heart patient having fun and working on building endurance and strength. See also About page.

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